RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR
You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"?Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was
actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca
English 44A
SMU (Southern Methodist University, Dallas, Texas) Creative
Writing Prof.
Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem
story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you
will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a
third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached.
Begin:
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At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy
evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who
once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she
felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was
out of the question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he
had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.
"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out
of his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie
read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder
at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The president, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized
Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed
his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic,
semi-literate adolescent.