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Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that--if you send them--that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes of the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography website, will get 5 cents every time you send me the letter.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone else you send $10,000 of his own money? How stupid are you? Ooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalogue!

What a bunch of BS.

So basically, this message is a big F*!% YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come to my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain that was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought over to this country by pilgrims on the Mayflower. If it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" emails about 9000 times. I don't give a @&%#! Show a little bit of intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
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THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
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